Recognizing and Responding to Signs of Self-Harm

Self-harm can include cutting, scratching, burning, or other actions that cause physical harm. This guide outlines general action steps you can consider to help keep your child safe while maintaining trust and open communication. Please note that not all these steps may be necessary depending on your child’s age, symptoms, and other factors that make each situation unique.

How can I recognize signs of self-harm?

• Unexplained cuts, bruises, or burns
• Wearing long sleeves or pants even in warm weather
• Frequent “accidents” or vague explanations for injuries
• Sharp objects hidden in personal spaces
• Changes in mood, such as sadness, withdrawal, irritability, or hopelessness
• Statements like: “I just want the pain to stop,” or “You wouldn’t understand.”

As a caregiver, how can I respond?

• Stay calm and nonjudgmental: respond with empathy, not anger or panic. Acknowledge their pain without shame.
  • Validate their emotions, even if they seem irrational to you: “That sounds really hard. I’m so glad you shared that with me.”
• Ask open, caring questions:
  • Try: “Can you tell me what’s been going on?”
  • Avoid: “Why would you do that to yourself?”
• Focus on support, not punishment: self-harm is often a coping mechanism, not attention-seeking or rebellion. If your child fears punishment this may result in an increased effort to hide self-harming behaviors.
• Encourage healthy coping strategies such as journaling, art, physical activity, music, or talking to someone they trust.
• Seek professional help: talk to a school counselor, therapist, pediatrician, local community services board, or contact a crisis resource center. Ask about safety plans, coping strategies, and signs of progress or worsening symptoms.

Remember:

Monitoring your child doesn’t mean hovering, it means staying engaged, staying present, and showing love through action. Your role as a caregiver is critical and you don’t have to do it alone.

If you are ever unsure what to do, contact your school counselor, pediatrician, a mental health provider, or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for immediate guidance.